“It looks like it didn’t scan your coffee,” the weird kid with the fucked up haircut scans the coffee in. Eleven dollars for a box of Chai Latte specially designed for the Keurig. My grandfather used to drink dirt in an orange porcelain cup to start his morning. “I don’t think it scanned your bananas either.”
The kid reaches into one of the several plastic bags sitting on the weight machine. Glances back up at the screen. “I think it was being a little wonky today.” I smile. The kid keeps digging.
“Half of these things haven’t been scanned.” The hard working kid begins to pull almost all of the contents out of the bags I already have loaded up in my cart. “Are you trying to steal groceries sir?”
“I scan fast.” I shrug. “If it can’t keep up, how is that my fault?” The kid eyes me up for a moment. Long enough to figure out it would be best to call his manager. As he leans over the desk to see the digits on the phone, I make a dash for the door.
The boy calls out after me but I push forward. I only had time enough to grab my bag of toilet paper and a Milky Way. Past a little Mexican kid that I previously encountered in the condiments aisle as he was planting his used sucker stick o top of a jar of dill spears I was eyeballing. As I make it out the door, the wind pushes back. The shit quality of plastic the grocery store employs now gives way. My Milky Way makes it way out a large hole in the bottom. The toilet paper still stuck inside, thank god.
My car is close. Left it unlocked though, I’m going to pay for that one day if anyone ever decides to jump inside and then I have to listen to the Wife and her insistence on locking the doors anywhere. As I slide into the driver’s seat, I catch a glimpse at the store. In the window, I see the manager talking to the weird kid standing by the check out stand. He is pointing outside. Without looking, I jerk the Explorer in reverse. Not too far behind, a Toyota Prius stops my momentum. The parking lot looks empty and the manager is heading my way. No matter how much I respect an environmentally friendly vehicle, especially over my 10 mile per gallon rig, I drive away leaving the front end trickling onto the concrete. Set free from the manufactures creation. I cut around the corner just as I spot the manager come flying out the door.
There is a lesson here. A lesson on the advancement of technology and the amount of loss factored in when relying on a machine over the human eye. If you make me scan my own groceries, I deserve two items of my choosing, certainly there are variants depending on the amount of groceries one is purchasing, to be on the house. Free. Cost of doing business. That’s the way I see it and it will continue to be. Also, sorry to that Prius. Keep helping the environment. I’ve got to stop at the gas station. Overpay for my liquid gold. Thanks Libya.
Thanks to Sonic Youth and Daydream nation for providing the soundtrack to this.
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